Even if you haven’t met me in person I’m sure you can tell from my blog that I’m a pretty happy person. If you have met me in person then you know that I am a VERY happy person. I’ve always been a happy person, even as a child and teenager.
However, I used to hold onto anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, worry and annoyance and allowed those emotions to claim space in my heart and draw lines across my forehead. I used to dwell on issues and situations and problems, which made it hard to trust, to believe and to move forward.
But then last year on the very night of my 26th birthday I decided it was time to let go. On the night of my birthday I literally wrote down all of the things that I held onto in my heart and burned them and as I watched the scraps of paper turn to ash I felt a heaviness inside me dissipate. It was as though those feelings I held onto were breathed out of my body and into the cold February air. I felt lighter. Happier. It was then that I began to understand that holding onto anger and sadness was hurting me more than helping me and in fact, it was holding me back from living the life I wanted.
So in many ways I’ve learned to let go of those feelings.
Well… to be honest, I’ve learned to let them go of them in the long run BUT there are many things that still bother me in an immediate sense. Mostly it’s little things that make me think “UGH, how annoying” in my head…
Like when people on the train don’t move out of the way so I can get off.
Or when someone is smoking right next to me at the bus stop.
Or when people cut me in line at CVS.
Or when my roommate doesn’t wash her dishes.
Or when Josh doesn’t put his dirty clothing in the hamper.
And I’m sure it’s normal to have little things that get to you and make you feel a flash of frustration BUT a new thought occurred to me the other day: the people and things that annoy me don’t even know it but I do – my heart and my mind feel that annoyance and frustration and even though I don’t hold onto it like I used to I still feel it. This thought made me feel foolish and hindered in my happiness.
I felt like my own thoughts were once again holding me back from my happiness and mental well being.
So I have come to the healthy realization that I need to learn, once again, how to move past frustration and annoyance. Not in the long run as I have had to deal with in the past, but on an immediate basis. Because, how is it healthy or helpful to feel little bits of irritation throughout my day?? Seriously?
Therefore, I have started a new mantra that I say in my head, sometimes out loud, whenever I feel these little bursts of frustration:
Freedom from negativity.
In the long run it doesn’t really matter if the dishes aren’t done and the clothing isn’t in the right place, and if anything I’m going to have to learn to live with annoyances everyday as it’s part of living in a society. The only way to escape would be to live alone in the mountains but then I’m sure I’d even annoy myself. So rather than continuing to be annoyed and irritated I am saying enough.
Enough with the small moments of frustration that tear tiny little holes in my heart, and enough with the times I feel irritated when someone just happens to forget to do something, and enough with feeling like everything needs to be perfect and always go my way.
Life is not perfect. Life doesn’t always go my way. Life is a crazy and exciting adventure that is always going to surprise and shock me.
So going forward I am going to teach myself how to let go of the little things because my heart and my mind doesn’t need to feel irritation, anger, annoyance and distress all throughout the day, even if it’s just in tiny quantities.
And as I teach myself how to breathe and move past annoyances I am going to find: freedom from negativity.