For the last 9 months I have been seriously siked about training for the Title 9 Triathlon and rocking it out on September 9th. I loved my first triathlon experience and clearly remember stepping across the finish line and telling Josh, “I can’t wait to do another.” So I had big hopes for this year – hopes that included competing in 2 triathlons, 1 duathlon, 10K, Warrior Dash and a few other fun events along the way. Then I decided to be an egg donor and that changed everything.
Suddenly I wasn’t in charge of my summer. Suddenly I wasn’t in charge of my body. Suddenly it wasn’t just about me and my goals.
It’s about helping a beautiful woman have a child.
It’s about making sacrifices to help someone else.
It’s about choosing to put my own dreams on hold to help someone create a famiy. And that’s okay. It’s better than okay actually, it’s great.
Even though I knew I had to make some changes as a result of the egg donation, I didn’t give up hopes of competing in the Title 9 Tri amongst the other things on my summer bucket list. Yet, over the last couple of weeks it’s begun to dawn on me – this summer isn’t just about me anymore. I can’t cling to my goals and dreams and ignore what is really happening. I can’t pretend that I will have enough time or energy or training to compete in September.
I can’t pretend that those matter more than the donation… because they don’t.
See, I will have to go through a round of injections and then through a short procedure as part of the egg donation. All of this will render me “off my feet” for 3 – 5 weeks, which means no yoga, no running, no spinning, no strength training - essentially nothing. Why you ask? Because the medicine they will give me is going to make my ovaries really really big (not normal at all) in the hopes of harvesting as many eggs as possible. This means that there is a small chance I could flip one of my ovaries which not only would be extremely painful but could mean surgery in the case of removal.
Yup, if I flip my ovary most likely they will have to remove it. I would like to avoid this at all costs obviously.
So, this is where I tell you that I have decided to let go of my triathlon dreams and have re-adjusted my plans for the summer. Most of all, I’ve decided to let go of my Summer Fitness Bucket List as I don’t want to be disappointed when they have to be changed.
Instead of swimming against the current of change I am in a inflatable tube enjoying the view as I let the current sweep me down the river.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still training. But I’m not going balls to the walls. Yea, I’d still like to do Warrior Dash on 9/22 (completely do-able) and the Tufts 10K on 10/8. But that’s it for this summer. I’m letting go of all of the other goals and ambitions and I’m going to use that time and energy to learn, re-connect and grow.
These are the keys to living an authentic life that doesn’t battle change or deny change, but accepts and embraces it as part of life.
Yea, I’m still a little disappointed that I won’t get to rock out at a triathlon this year but it’s not the end of the world; in fact, I always have next year!
Are you fighting against the current of change in your own life? Isn’t it exhausting? Maybe it’s time to let go of expectations and enjoy the ride. Maybe not. Only you truly know what is best for you.