When I first met Josh’s family I thought of them like a tornado (in a good way) – always changing, full of energy, moving at fast speeds, shaking things up and definitely leaving a path in their wake. They are a vibrant family full of love and always up for adventure. In fact, I think their motto is “Any plan not subject to change is a bad plan.” Seriously they say this all the time.
At first I didn’t get it and this idea of embracing change and adventure terrified me. I had always been the girl with the plan (and sticky notes, organizational boards and daily planners to go with the plan) and I liked having a plan. So much that I held onto my schedule, my plan, my vision so tightly I nearly suffocated all the fun and excitement out of it. But that was okay with me at the time – simply, I preferred boring to extraordinary.
After a year of crazy adventures and fun events with Josh’s family I began to realize that they were on the right path and started questioning why I was so determined to control everything…
Essentially it came down to fear and insecurity.
I was scared of change and of the unknown because of my own fears and insecurity. That’s why I was always hanging on so tightly – to the “plan”, to my schedule, to my expectations. But this didn’t leave any space for growth and development, and was created an inhospitable environment for change and adventure.
Honestly, realizing this caused me pain and confusion – how could I change something that was so engrained on my heart? I had no idea how to change the way I thought, the way I felt… Then, true story, I was at a coffee shop one day and they had the horoscopes next to the register, mine read:
“Conquer the habit of dwelling in fear.”
Wow. Even just writing those words years later still hits home – deep in my heart and soul. The words were 150% true and at that moment I adopted that horoscope as my motto. I held it close to my chest. Said it over and over in my head every time I took a chance, every time I leapt, every time I pushed past my fears and insecurity. Said it when I entered a poetry competition, said it when I applied for scholarships, when I made new friends. I said it every time life threw me a curve ball, or the path of my life veered unexpectedly.
Slowly, I learned how to go with the flow (a foreign concept in my mind). Then I started to embrace change. Then I began to seek out new adventures, new challenges.
Now I try to live life with open hands ::: Open to change, to adventure, to growth, to newness, to the unknown, to hope, to possibility………..
“Conquering the habit of dwelling in fear” is probably one of my greatest achievements. It’s something I continue to work at every day and something I credit for many of the other amazing changes I’ve embraced throughout the last few years (like my first triathlon, first 10K, trying sports conditioning class, becoming a vegetarian, etc. etc. etc.).
So, I double dog dare you ::: do something today that’s crazy and adventurous, to let go of control, let go of your schedule and expectations.
Jump and dive into the waves instead of playing it safe on the shore.
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