Heart-breaking tragedy, extremely challenging situations, the many many ups and downs of the egg donation have left me feeling… raw, edgy, empty. But at the same time I’m still me; still bubbly, excited, driven and joyful… I know that seems contradictory but let me explain it like this ::
It’s as though my heart, mind, and spirit are all separate pieces with different feelings, needs and desires.
Normally, they are all ONE – but after being emptied by grief, run over by disappointment and slapped by anxiety the three broke apart.
My heart feels raw and exposed
My spirit feels bright and joyful.
My mind is worried and frustrated
My soul is the one thing keeping them all together and it radiates with love, support, comfort, and kindness.
Through meditation, yoga, Reiki, reflection, deep breathing and all the other techniques in my toolbox I’ve been trying to bring them all together again; yet I haven’t had much success. Some days I feel better than others, but it’s like there is a film of grey surrounding me that I can’t break through.
I’ve come to realize it’s because I’m kinda stuck…
So this November I am pressing re-set and going back to the drawing board.
I’m breaking out GOALS again (yea, I said I was giving them up but I’ve come to learn :: it’s all about FLOW – if I feel inspired to work on something else I’ll run with it BUT I’m bringing back my goals as a way to stay motivated and moving forward).
I’m being as ACTIVE as possible. With too much work and the egg donation hindering my normal work out schedule I have been feeling ((eh)) so I am done with the bus and done with the escalator – it’s all walking and stairs for me. I’m hoping to try Bikram Yoga, go running more and dance my booty off (until the egg donation forces me to stop again).
I’m making more and more SPACE at home. Donating and selling the things that I don’t need, want or use to make space for opportunity and possibility. Letting go of labels, responsibilities and obligations that aren’t serving me any longer.
I’m keeping SELF-CARE a priority. Reiki, meditation, painting… all the things that make me feel more connected to me. Sunday nights are going to be my time to rest, recuperate and re-energize – my nights to take it all in.
I’m embracing the PRESENT. My week of “unplugging” has helped me realize that my life is better when I slow down, peel my eyes away from my laptop/iPhone/computer/iPad. I’m going to listen fully, love fully, live fully present.
I’m bringing back FOCUS. I’ve talked about finding my niche :: now I’m going to play, roll around and live in it. I’m going to read more books on Reiki, spend hours editing my novel, start creating my life coaching foundation (with The Coaching Blueprint), work on my next e-book…
November is going to be a month where I live moment to moment. With the egg donation up in the air (yes, unfortunately we’re not sure what is going on as my clinic is in NYC and across the street from the building with the crane falling off of it… needless to say my clinic is closed and no one really knows what’s going to happen) I’m still living open to change, but that doesn’t mean I can’t choose to live every moment the best way possible. I might be bringing back goals but at this point I’ve learned that you have to do so with open hands – aware that things can change at any time and it’s better to surf than struggle.
I think November is a good time to move forward with open hands & a hopeful heart.