My Life Up to Now
In high school I had a true type-A personality; I wanted A’s in every class, wanted everyone to like me, wanted everyone to always be happy and wanted everything to go according to plan. It’s funny because I kept up this crazy dream of being perfect for years and it drained me – I was constantly overwhelmed, frustrated and truthfully dealing with anxiety attacks and mental breakdowns left and right. I was a mess but you would have never known because I was really good at appearing to have it all under control and happy as a clam.
My coping mechanism :: muffins, brownies, cookies, breads. Essentially I baked all of my frustration, sadness and confusion away.
So when it came to choose a college and a career path everyone told me that journalism wasn’t the way to go, instead they said, “Go to baking school – it’s your passion”. And they were right – it was my passion but it was definitely not the right career for me.
After my first semester at Johnson & Wales I knew it wasn’t the right fit for me but I refused to “give up”. I didn’t want to look like a failure so I stuck it out. I only learned that years later though, after receiving my degree at Johnson & Wales University in Pastry Arts and working as an Assistant Pastry chef in Providence, RI.
That was Lesson #1 for me ::
Listen to your gut and don’t be scared to change your mind
Back then I didn’t realize the lesson in front of my nose. Instead, I was self-conscious, insecure, always worried about the future, fearful of spontaneity and holding onto the illusion of control. So rather than giving myself room to breathe and grow and figure out what I really wanted to do with my life I jumped into accounting.
Seriously jumped. After graduating from JWU I worked for awhile as an Assistant Pastry chef and then transferred to Bryant University (picture a small college in rural RI complete with a small pond and real bulldog for a mascot!) and declared accounting my major. Why? Because it was safe – I knew it was a stable career where I could earn a lot of money. Not surprisingly this didn’t last long.
After repeatedly having panic attacks in the back of my accounting classes I realized that even though I was getting A’s in my classes it was definitely not the right path for me.
So it was back to the drawing board. This time though I didn’t jump. I took my time and tried to figure out the right major for me – I wanted something that I was passionate about which turned out to be Interpersonal Communication Studies.
Life is not about the destination, it’s about the journey
Boy, I loved communication studies. My teachers were great, the classes were interesting and challenging and I truly loved learning about people and how they communicate. I even worked with a professor to have one of my papers published in the Eastern Communication Association journal!
In fact I loved Communication Studies so much that I wanted to go on and get my Masters and PhD and eventually become a professor! BUT that would mean 6 more years of college loans and there was no way I was going to do that (especially since I already had 6 years of college loans to pay off).
Once you connect with your true authentic self anything is possible.
Essentially I am a Holistic Health Warrior in Training and here’s how I’m making my big-crazy-beautiful-courageous dreams come true:
Fall 2012: Reiki I and II Certification & Spinning Certification
December 2012: Publish my first novel (check out Erin Madore.com for more info)
Winter and Spring 2013: Yoga Certification
Fall 2013: Holistic Health Certification at the Institute of Integrated Nutrition (IIN)
My big dream :: Run a Wellness Center while writing e-books and novels. Yes they are completely different and yes, they both have a special place in my heart.
Holistic health is important to me because I want to help people live an authentically happy and healthy life focused on growth and compassion.
Writing is important to me because I want to inspire others through motivational e-books, and as for novels – I’m a story teller at heart and I have so many stories and characters inside of me I just want to share them with the world.
And yea, after going through so many changes in my life I realize that these plans may change but that’s okay. I’m no longer holding onto control with both my hands. Instead I’m leaping and diving and dancing through life with an open spirit, ready to embrace my next adventure.
So, curious what I’ve learned over the last several years?
Simply this ::: Life is a daring adventure.
Even though my path is all twisty and turny it’s beautiful and it’s helped me become the person I am today. And for that I am grateful… and joyful and full of hope, trust and passion. Hope for the future and for myself, because not only is life always changing, but we are too – and that is a beautiful fact of life, not something to fear.
Throughout all of this I have learned that ::
I am, and you are, more beautiful and capable then we could ever imagine.