Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

Published May 8 2012

Do you always tell the truth about everything you believe, feel and dream? Do you let people into the dark crevices of your brain to see what is really in there? Do you share all of your thoughts and feelings all the time?

If you’re shaking your head no you’re not alone. Even bloggers, like myself, that say we’re being open and honest about our lives and experiences don’t always tell our readers every little thing and for lots of reasons… fear, guilt, concern, worry, denial. There’s a lot of “good” reasons to not tell all of the truth all of the time especially on a blog. I mean, 1) it’s public, 2) once it’s out there in the universe there is no taking it back, and 3) who knows what other people will think, right?!

I mean, if we’re being honest, bloggers love their readers and don’t want to lose them so sometimes we keep quiet about our true beliefs, opinions, lifestyles and desires. We figure what you don’t know won’t hurt us.

But that’s not 100% accurate. For blogs like mine I try to share what’s really happening in my life and in my head so that other people can learn and feel a connection.

I believe by being open and honest about my own life it gives other people the ability to know that whatever they have going on, whatever they are feeling or experiencing is OKAY and that they’re not alone.

By talking about taboo subjects or embarrassing experiences or unconventional beliefs we create a dialogue and that brings about knowledge, understanding and acceptance.

By talking about our true opinions and lives we can connect and grow.

But it’s not always that easy to do. Telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth is scary. Like Ez, the amazing blogger of Creature Comforts said, “this type of authenticity is the sort of things that makes your knees wobble and your “publish post” finger shake.”

But it’s a little easier when everyone else is telling the truth. Which is why Jess Constable over at Makeunder My Life is so amazing. About a month ago when she posted her article, Things I’m Afraid to Tell You, she didn’t realize the type of ripple effect it would have in the universe. Essentially when she opened up about some things that she was worried about sharing due to “fear of rejection or judgement” she was giving the rest of the blogging world the green light to share their own truths. Since then Ez has taken it a step farther by asking others to share their “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.” So here are my:

Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

I am going to be an egg donor. Wow, that feels great to tell you. And honestly I am so happy, excited and proud. I am giving someone the chance to have a family, to be a mother and for me that is one of the most amazing things I can do with my life.

I owe over $100,000 in student loans. Yup, it’s a whole lot of money that I owe because I was essentially in college for 6 years. Do I regret it? No. Do I wish I didn’t owe that much? Hell yes.

I want Josh to propose to me. And I want to get married. Soon. It’s a big deal to me; I don’t know why but it is and honestly it’s something I struggle with. Sometimes I don’t mind that Josh and I aren’t engaged, other days I want to scream, and other days I’m mad because as a strong and independent woman why is something so important left up to a man to decide.

Sometimes I want to quit my day job and I get really frustrated that I’m not 100% dedicated to my passions (writing & helping people). Ya, ya I know it’ll come in time and I need to stay focused and positive but sometimes it’s hard to give my time and attention to projects and work that I don’t care about as much.

I don’t think I’m good enough. Not all the time but sometimes. Like sometimes I’ll be having coffee with a friend and think, “they’re so cool, why are they friends with me”. It’s crazy talk but true.

I really wish I had tons of money to re-do my wardrobe. I pretty much hate 80% of my clothing which makes me feel blah. But I’m working on this one, slowly but surely I am finding my own style and embracing it!

I used to be SUPER jealous. Like crazy jealous. Then I realized that I couldn’t stop Josh (or any of my past boyfriends) from doing something and I couldn’t keep being a crazy person so I gave up and began loving instead of worrying.

I’ve been in therapy a couple times and loved it – more on that later.

I love being Vegan/Vegetarian but I miss meat. Meat is yummy, I won’t say it’s not, and I miss the taste and texture of a good juicy burger… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it. It’s just something I have to deal with because my beliefs outweigh my taste buds.

I believe completing one triathlon makes me a triathlete. It doesn’t mean I’m hanging up my tri-suit anytime soon but I love telling people that I’m a triathlete – I’m proud of my accomplishment (and future endeavors).

Writing this was hard but felt great at the same time.

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If you feel so inclined, leave a comment and share your own “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You” and remember, you’re not alone. I’m here too.


  • http://www.hemingwayheroine.blogspot.com/ Nicole

    This is amazing! Either we have so much in common or some of these secrets are ones that everyone has/feels. – I want Matt to propose to me so much so that I’ve stopped being happy for other engaged couples. It makes me feel like I’ll never get mine, which is ludicrous. – I think the ‘Why are they friends with me?’ or worse, ‘How can Matt love me?’ on occasion as well. But I think I balance that with the also occasional, ‘I’m pretty awesome.’ – I don’t know how to dress myself and I rely on my MOTHER’S hand-me-downs because she always looks good. – I’ve been in therapy – and I also used to be ridiculously jealous. Now, I find, that if I just completely ignore it, I can avoid that poisoned, monster-y feeling it brings and am much happier for it. 

    • Anonymous

      Wow! See this is what I mean, opening up usually leads to greater connection and not judgement or negativity. Thank you for opening up to me! We have a LOT in common but I think that admitting some of those feelings and beliefs takes the power away from them and gives it back to us.

  • Becca

    Great post Erin. I sometimes feel like you’re in my brain. Especially on the job front. We are not living our dharma by sitting in front of our computers all day long. The jealousy thing too. Wow. I might write a similar post, even just commenting about it is very freeing. Love :)

    • Anonymous

      Hi Becca! It’s funny because when you feel things like jealousy you feel abnormal and “bad” but it is normal and it’s good to openly talk about it!

  • http://www.adailydoseoffit.com/ Tara

    After listening to my baby’s heartbeat in utero, my doctor guessed that I might be having a boy. I cried a little on my way home from that appointment because I so desperately wanted a girl. And then I cried because I was so mad at myself for not wanting a boy. I knew in my heart that I’d love my child no matter what, but still. That’s how badly I wanted a girl. And then I had a girl. Now I think about giving her a brother…someday.

    This just might be one of your greatest posts, girl!

    • Anonymous

      Wow. Thank you for sharing and for being so kind. You’re such an amazing woman.

  • http://twitter.com/Schmiet Diet Schmiet

    Great post! I’m pretty blunt in my own blog, although there are certain things I hold back. I’m not sure I’d be brave enough to share them!

    • Anonymous

      I think you’re braver than you imagine; sometimes we hold back not for fear of other`s opinions but because we’re not ready ourselves. Either way I must admit that it was scary to publish but exhilarating to share. Thanks for reading.

  • http://www.perfectionisnthappy.com/ Perfectionisnthappy

    This is such a great post! I don’t share everything on my blog, but I really appreciate bloggers who do!

    • Anonymous

      Thank you!!!

  • Mike

    Hmmm you’re pretty typical. We all have the same angst’s and worries about ourselves, our jobs, relationships, etc.
    What is different is you are self-aware at a young age. It takes people a long time, many never achieve self realization, to “know thyself”.
    By knowing yourself it is easier to deal with the things that bother you. Deal with them in a positive way as well.
    Consider yourself a very smart and lucky minority to be where you are now, despite the way it feels sometimes hehehe.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/ericapc Erica Tsao Hill

    Wow, Erin.  Thank you so much for being so honest.  You are an inspiration for the way you live your life, and for what you have achieved.  I am home, decompressing and reading your blog because it is so inspiring!  Keep on with your bad ass self :)

    • Anonymous

      Hi Erica, Wow… your comment has truly touched my heart. My blog is honestly a place where I feel like I can reflect and share my experiences and I love when I hear that others have connected to my stories. I hope you have a fabulous weekend :)

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