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Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

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Do you always tell the truth about everything you believe, feel and dream? Do you let people into the dark crevices of your brain to see what is really in there? Do you share all of your thoughts and feelings all the time?

If you’re shaking your head no you’re not alone. Even bloggers, like myself, that say we’re being open and honest about our lives and experiences don’t always tell our readers every little thing and for lots of reasons… fear, guilt, concern, worry, denial. There’s a lot of “good” reasons to not tell all of the truth all of the time especially on a blog. I mean, 1) it’s public, 2) once it’s out there in the universe there is no taking it back, and 3) who knows what other people will think, right?!

I mean, if we’re being honest, bloggers love their readers and don’t want to lose them so sometimes we keep quiet about our true beliefs, opinions, lifestyles and desires. We figure what you don’t know won’t hurt us.

But that’s not 100% accurate. For blogs like mine I try to share what’s really happening in my life and in my head so that other people can learn and feel a connection.

I believe by being open and honest about my own life it gives other people the ability to know that whatever they have going on, whatever they are feeling or experiencing is OKAY and that they’re not alone.

By talking about taboo subjects or embarrassing experiences or unconventional beliefs we create a dialogue and that brings about knowledge, understanding and acceptance.

By talking about our true opinions and lives we can connect and grow.

But it’s not always that easy to do. Telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth is scary. Like Ez, the amazing blogger of Creature Comforts said, “this type of authenticity is the sort of things that makes your knees wobble and your “publish post” finger shake.”

But it’s a little easier when everyone else is telling the truth. Which is why Jess Constable over at Makeunder My Life is so amazing. About a month ago when she posted her article, Things I’m Afraid to Tell You, she didn’t realize the type of ripple effect it would have in the universe. Essentially when she opened up about some things that she was worried about sharing due to “fear of rejection or judgement” she was giving the rest of the blogging world the green light to share their own truths. Since then Ez has taken it a step farther by asking others to share their “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You.” So here are my:

Things I’m Afraid to Tell You

I am going to be an egg donor. Wow, that feels great to tell you. And honestly I am so happy, excited and proud. I am giving someone the chance to have a family, to be a mother and for me that is one of the most amazing things I can do with my life.

I owe over $100,000 in student loans. Yup, it’s a whole lot of money that I owe because I was essentially in college for 6 years. Do I regret it? No. Do I wish I didn’t owe that much? Hell yes.

I want Josh to propose to me. And I want to get married. Soon. It’s a big deal to me; I don’t know why but it is and honestly it’s something I struggle with. Sometimes I don’t mind that Josh and I aren’t engaged, other days I want to scream, and other days I’m mad because as a strong and independent woman why is something so important left up to a man to decide.

Sometimes I want to quit my day job and I get really frustrated that I’m not 100% dedicated to my passions (writing & helping people). Ya, ya I know it’ll come in time and I need to stay focused and positive but sometimes it’s hard to give my time and attention to projects and work that I don’t care about as much.

I don’t think I’m good enough. Not all the time but sometimes. Like sometimes I’ll be having coffee with a friend and think, “they’re so cool, why are they friends with me”. It’s crazy talk but true.

I really wish I had tons of money to re-do my wardrobe. I pretty much hate 80% of my clothing which makes me feel blah. But I’m working on this one, slowly but surely I am finding my own style and embracing it!

I used to be SUPER jealous. Like crazy jealous. Then I realized that I couldn’t stop Josh (or any of my past boyfriends) from doing something and I couldn’t keep being a crazy person so I gave up and began loving instead of worrying.

I’ve been in therapy a couple times and loved it – more on that later.

I love being Vegan/Vegetarian but I miss meat. Meat is yummy, I won’t say it’s not, and I miss the taste and texture of a good juicy burger… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it. It’s just something I have to deal with because my beliefs outweigh my taste buds.

I believe completing one triathlon makes me a triathlete. It doesn’t mean I’m hanging up my tri-suit anytime soon but I love telling people that I’m a triathlete – I’m proud of my accomplishment (and future endeavors).

Writing this was hard but felt great at the same time.

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If you feel so inclined, leave a comment and share your own “Things I’m Afraid to Tell You” and remember, you’re not alone. I’m here too.